What could go wrong at the gym?

NOW THAT FALL IS HERE, I DECIDED IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO JOIN A GYM. I’M NOT VERY DISCIPLINED, SO EXERCISING AT HOME DOESN’T WORK FOR ME. MY GYM HAS A POOL, ALL SORTS OF CLASSES, AND THREE EXERCISE ROOMS WITH EVERY TYPE OF EQUIPMENT IMAGINABLE. IN ADDITION TO ALL THESE AMENITIES, A GREAT INCENTIVE IS THAT I’M PAYING FOR IT. I’VE BEEN GOING AT LEAST 3-4 TIMES A WEEK FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW, AND I MUST ADMIT, I’M REALLY ENJOYING IT. I HAVE MORE ENERGY AND CAN SEE MY BODY CHANGING (WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT).

I’VE BEEN SPENDING ABOUT HALF OF MY GYM TIME ON THE TREADMILL. I’VE BEEN BUILDING UP MY SPEED SO THAT I’M COMFORTABLE DOING A FAST WALK/SLOW JOG. LAST WEEK I WAS FEELING REALLY GOOD. MY STRIDE WAS COMFORTABLE, MY HEARTRATE WAS WHERE I WANTED IT TO BE, I WAS MAKING GOOD TIME – LIFE WAS GOOD. SO I STARTED TO WATCH THE TELEVISION HANGING FROM THE CEILING IN FRONT OF ME. WHEEL OF FORTUNE WAS ON. THEY WERE TRYING TO GUESS A 4-WORD PHRASE. THE CONTESTANT CALLED OUT A LETTER AND THEN BOUGHT A VOWEL. IN LOOKING AT THE EMPTY BLOCKS, I STARTED TO THINK OF PHASES. MY PHRASE FIT INTO THE BLOCKS. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. DID I GUESS THE PHRASE?

THE NEXT THING I KNEW, MY BRAIN WAS SAYING WAIT A MINUTE, YOU’RE ON YOUR KNEES. HOW DID I GET HERE?? THE TREADMILL WAS STILL GOING. I’M NOW IN SURVIVAL MODE – WHERE’S THE STOP BUTTON? BEFORE I COULD FIND IT, I HAD ROLLED OFF OF THE TREADMILL AND ONTO THE FLOOR.

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN YOU FALL, YOUR FIRST REACTION IS TO LOOK AROUND TO SEE IF ANYONE SAW YOU. SO I LOOKED AROUND, AND THEY DID, AND THEY WERE LAUGHING.

WHEN I GOT HOME AND TOLD MY SON WHAT HAD HAPPENED, HE TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO FIND A NEW GYM. I LIKE MY GYM. I’M GOING TO STAY. WHAT ELSE COULD HAPPEN?